Just an Albatross.

The turquoise down below, made my stomach churn, a candid echo of what has been tearing my insides a part. I love travelling, flying is my favorite. I hate sailing. The first time I went deep sea fishing, off the coast of San Diego, I threw up until there was nothing left in my bowels. My sadness is hollowness. It mirrors cancer, eating up the body from under the skin. I can't tell you what's worse. The hollowness, at times is a shell, holding in a thousand oceans of thoughts and doubts.

Sometimes though, it holds hundred pieces of glass, wedged in between my soul and body. That's undoubtedly the pain. Many times though, like when I first broke a bone in my body; the ankle, it brought a calming feel. I felt no pain, and kept mutedly gazing at the weird angle of my left leg. Or when my favorite dog, the only friend I had, died and I felt no remorse. I just stood there. Watched the fresh soil, where he'd gone under, lifeless. Or even when my classmates laughed at a joke, and I couldn't bring myself to do it. That's what I fear most about myself. The scariest thing really, sometimes I am somebody, one in pain and sadness, then again I am nobody, I don't seem to feel, well, do I even exist at all?

I only see the color of moss and dirt, shovelled together, that's what most say, about my eyes. But still, I have learnt to live, with the outward smile; to look at each day, on the face, and still, get to make the lives of all that I know better. I watch the world roll by, silently, trying to remain inconspicuous as possible. But then, there is life to live. And life is social, so is the world.

#I had to do a Misimu. 

Comments

Intentionality.

For starters, happy new year. I have been mulling on doing a piece on intentionality for a while and, for sure, I have mentioned a bit of it to those that I have struck deeper notes of life with. Well, in brief, intentionality is a philosophical concept that refers to the capacity of the mind to be directed toward an object, idea, or state of affairs. It is a fundamental aspect of consciousness, enabling individuals to have thoughts about something, engage in purposeful actions, and maintain focus on specific goals or outcomes. Originating from the work of philosopher Franz Brentano in the 19th century, intentionality distinguishes mental phenomena from physical phenomena by highlighting the inherent directedness or "aboutness" of mental states. In everyday life, intentionality manifests in our ability to plan, deliberate, and navigate complex social interactions, as it involves both conscious and unconscious mental processes that guide behaviours and decision-making. In tha...

Learning the ropes.

A reset is something that hits you when you least expect it. Just like sickness, it knocks at your door at odd hours, bringing with it a period of great adjustments and shifts. A bit of a background story, a couple of weeks ago, I was reading an anecdote by Norman Vincent Peale (the father of positive thinking) where the author posits that one should change their thoughts if they wish to change the world. This got me thinking; all those instances where I have seen people on the streets or in restaurants in seemingly boisterous conversations and showing broad smiles unassumingly made me think that they might be living life happier than mine. I assumed that they were happier than me or even smarter than me. Instances are rife where we sit in our little apartments imagining what it would be like to be someone else. That feeling that we often behold that everyone around you seems to be doing better than you, or the one where we feel that piles upon piles of decks are stack...

Fears and Wars

He has his own fears, often he beholds his own wars, some days with a raised face and at times with a downcast smug. Hate and love are two perfect sides of a coin, there is no in-between. He often tries not to judge people that he rans into amidst the craziness of life. Some new, some acquaintances and many that he has known over long conversations. His type of conversations covers short spurts of strenuous "hellos" and "heys". The amount of fake charades on people's faces and actions always makes his heart cringe; not with fear but with a lot of pain. It takes a certain amount of opening up to get to let people into his life, especially when one is reserved. And when he does, his life resides there; a center of unhinged openness . He hates changes and often a great deal is characterized with a Traditionalist view. He likes to see things organized in a certain way; less drama. Untidy workplaces irritates the comfort in him, and interrupted schedule screws up ...

Random Stirrings of The Mind.

Search This Blog